Some things I've learned

Well, I now have a week to catch up on. It's been a pretty difficult week, full of lots of awkward social situations and cultural confusion (nice alliteration, huh?).

Last Friday in our French Language and Culture class, we gave presentations on any topic that we wanted. I chose to give mine on Pope Urbain II and the Crusades (they started here in Clermont). The night before, we were invited to go out with a couple of guys from Sarah’s Pepinière group. Because of our presentations, we asked to go out Friday night instead. Sarah, Kelly and I went into it not really knowing what to expect. French boys had been overly nice to us and we knew that the French don't go on single dates unless they're really serious, and that they go out in big groups instead. As a result, we didn't really know if we had just been asked out on a group date or if they were just being nice and wanted to make some American friends. At any rate, on our way to the Café we were "hazed" by a group of second year students who attacked us with shaving cream, confetti, and alcohol. It was pretty ridiculous. These second years are part of the BDE which is the main student organization on campus that plans all the soirées and was in charge of the upcoming Weekend of Integration. The hazing was a little scary, but we had a really good time at the Café. The guys bought our drinks and then they insisted that we sing a karaoke song as part of our "integration". They ended up coming up there to help us out because we sounded so bad! What did they expect; we were singing a song we’d never heard before, in another language! After the karaoke, the guys really wanted to go to the discothèque. I can now say I've had my first discothèque experience, and it was truly amusing.

Sunday, we left for Weekend of Integration: a weekend trip that all of the first year students at ESC go on to make friends and apparently to drink excessively. We boarded the buses at 6:30 in the morning, and by 7, the BDE (main student organization) was literally pouring alcohol down everyone's throats. They had filled containers that you are supposed to use for fertilizing lawns and were using them to pump alcohol into everyone’s mouths. I don't even know how to describe the chaos of the bus. They were singing and cheering and dancing and yelling. At one point we were even written on with permanent marker. We had to introduce ourselves to the whole bus and individually sing a song. The only French song I can sing is “Alouette” so I made the whole bus sing along with me. Oh yes, and the bus ride was about 7 hours long. We ended up at a resort in the South-West of France, near Italy. We were in a town called Fréjus, which is near St. Tropez. The bus drivers were so mean as to tell us we were going to the beach, drive us along the coast, then tell us the beaches were closed and that we'd have to swim in the pool at the resort instead. At least I got a glimpse of the Mediterranean. I was oh so happy to get off of that bus.

We stayed in little "bungalows", which were really just trailers. It was like a giant trailer park with a pool and a night club. Sarah, Kelly and I shared a trailer with 3 French girls who were really nice. We unpacked our stuff and headed to the pool for a little bit, then had dinner as one big group. Conversation was impossible during dinner, seeing as people were cheering, singing, and standing on the benches. I should say that this was mostly the guys. They have one song that they sing where they call on a guy to stand up on the table and get completely naked. This is their idea of fun. I was mortified when the guy I was sitting next to was called on. Oh, la France.

After dinner, there was more cheering and singing, always the cheering and the singing, and then we all went off to the club. Dancing was fun, but not drama free. Many a cultural boundary was crossed in the club on behalf of the girls of Kalamazoo, and while I personally was not crossing them, I became quite the shoulder to cry on. I also became quite the liaison between the French and the Americans since I definitely had more than one person approach me and ask me to tell one or more of my friends that they needed to calm down. The next day was spent in bed and at the pool. Monday night was an exact repeat of Sunday night. Boundaries in the club were restored and respected, but I do believe the damage is done. Tuesday afternoon we returned to Clermont-Ferrand. I’m happy to say the 7 hour bus ride was much more docile on the return.

I really cannot figure out how I feel about the weekend. Parts of it were so shitty and I just wanted to go home. Other parts were really fun and I enjoyed myself a lot. It was just such a strange weekend and I really felt the cultural differences. I guess to better explain myself, here’s a list of things I’d been told before coming to France that were proven to me this weekend and this morning after a discussion with our program director:

1. Dating is completely different in France. French people don’t go out on single dates, but date in groups instead. Dating is also completely artificial. It’s based on appearance solely. Conversation comes later. Whereas in the U.S., relationships start out based on friendship and getting to know one another, it’s completely not like that here. It starts based on physical attraction, and then you get to know one another later.

2. Guys and girls can’t be friends because the guys always have other intentions. But you can’t date them either because they’re only interested in how you look. But literally, guys and girls don’t mix. For this reason, we thought we were being slighted by our “new friends” we made on Friday when they weren’t exactly the friendliest to us this weekend. Really, they just realized we weren’t going to date any of them and therefore have no more use for us. This sucks because we really want to be their friends, but guys and girls don’t hang out in groups unless they’re dating.

3. French girls and American girls can’t be friends because there is “too much competition” over the guys. They don’t want to be our friends, and after this weekend and the spectacle that we made, I don’t blame them. The girls we shared our bungalow with were nice, but they weren’t afraid to tell my friends what they thought of them and their behavior either.

4. Circles of friends are made early on. Once they’re formed, it’s significantly harder to get in. But once you do make it in, you’re friends with everyone in that circle.

5. When in a club, if you are going to dance with anyone, you are to choose only one person and dance with that one person all night long. If you do that, you’re pretty much in a relationship without knowing it. If you dance with more than one person, apparently you’re promiscuous. You are definitely not to kiss anyone unless you’re serious. It’s better to dance completely alone.

6. Guys can drink as much as they want and be as stupid and promiscuous as they want. It does not work the same way for girls, especially not for American girls.

This was definitely a weekend of cultural trial and error. Unfortunately, I think it favored more the side of error. Equally unfortunate, I think the American girls on campus have created quite a little reputation for ourselves, even if we weren’t all sharing the same behavior. It sucks, and now that I understand the rules of social conduct here in France, I’m convinced that I’m not going to make any French friends while I’m here. I have a feeling it’s going to be a pretty lonely 6 months.

Well, I’m here to learn, and I’m learning, right? I guess I can just be glad that I personally wasn’t the cause of any of the drama. Unfortunately, I still have to bear the brunt of it and share in our cute little reputation. Good thing our school is made up of only 500 kids... (With a hint of sarcasm). I hope I’m being overly dramatic and that I’m proven wrong. Time will tell.

Well, I wish it was this easy to write the paper that I need to turn in on Monday. I guess I should start that… Hope everyone is well and I miss you all!! (Obviously!)